I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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