I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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