Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
