Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I'm both gender and math confused
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
