then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize
