I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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