Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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