Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
