literally had 100 drinks last night.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I touched a dick in church today
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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