wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
