My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
