please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
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They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
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We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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