i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
