Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
