the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
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hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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