I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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