i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
