Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
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