yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
