she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I'm sobbing to NWA
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
