I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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