Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Randomize
