He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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