ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
