hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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