Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I AM VODKA MAN
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
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