If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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