Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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