I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I'm gonna fight the coyote
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
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