What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
