The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
