yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
