I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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