is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
