i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
