maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
