He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
