Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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