You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Randomize
