i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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