god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
