I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
