Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
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