got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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