I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
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They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
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Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
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