Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
