In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
tonight lets celebrate not being married
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
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