Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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