I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
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