Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Randomize
