girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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