put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I'm gonna fight the coyote
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
