then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
