Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
