I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Randomize
