You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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