Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
