Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
