ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
