i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
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