I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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