So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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