Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
