I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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