I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
