Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Randomize