She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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