Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
