why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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