I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
