my mouth tastes like poor choices
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
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