Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
