Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
