you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
