Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
