friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I would fuck him just for his dog
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
