Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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