you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
cat food counts as protein by the way
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Randomize
