I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Randomize
