you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
