Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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