I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
