I seem to have left my pride at pride
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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