Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
