I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
