operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
