I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
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