You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
