wrigley field is MILF paradise
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
